[	Current Location	|	Centrepointe Theatre (not really working)	]
[	Current Mood	|	restless	]
[	Current Music	|	"This could be anywhere in the world" Alexisonfire	]

Phones make me nervous.
Don't know about you, but answering the phone is scary for me.
You're thinking good one, getting a job that requires you to answer the phone.
My phone says "logged out" and I dont know how to "log in"
I bought some really crazy clothes yesterday off of the Hot Topic site.
I love Hot Topic, everything was $9.99 yesterday
Top that.
Trivium really rips you off. They buy their stuff from the states and then jack up the prices.
w/e I have the money now, I can afford to be ripped off. NOT
Last year of school starting in 11 days. I am SO ready for this year.
Its my last year and it calls for celebration!!
Can't wait for the first day to come and go. 
Then the whole year can be over the next day.
k thanks bye. <3

I just had the worst experience with the law EVER. I needed to get a police record check for my new job so I went to my local police station to get one. When I went up to the guy on the other side of the glass i was realyl polite and was like "Hi i just got a job working for the city of Ottawa and I need a police record check." and with the MOST ASSHOLE ATTITUDE he was like "Well what kind? Are you working with children?" I got confused and was like "No I work in the box office at the theatre I'm not working with children." and  then he told me that one was $25 and the other was $35. I remembered Jeff saying that it was the $35 one, but it didnt sound right. So I said the the guy "I think it's the other one." I guess I pissed him off or something because then he was like "WELL WHICH ONE IS IT? CALL YOUR EMPLOYER AND FIND OUT." I can't even explain what happened after that I just started getting all emptional and told him he was a huge jerk and left in tears. My dad was coming in as I was leaving and I told him what happened then he got really pissed and wanted to go back in but I told him to forget it and we left.


                       So in the car I realized where we were (really close to Kelsey's house) so I asked my dad if he could pull in their driveway so I could ask her what kind of record check it was. Jill answered the door (thank God) and told me whihc one it was and to go to Elgin street because they do it in like 5 minuets and you get it right away. I felt relaxed after seeing Jill it was a huge relief.  In conclusion, I hate the police they can all go and jump off a really high bridge, and I hope they go splat. </3

[	Current Mood	|	happy	]
[	Current Music	|	Blood Red Summer...Coheed and Cambria	]

Finally talked to Jeff, telephone tag to the max,
I won.
I'm thinking of changing my hair colour.
My mom says strawberry blonde, but a friend suggested deep brown?
So many choices and only 25 days to think about it. yikes.
I just got paid from Loblaws, $40.53.....I only had one shift last week this really sucks
But I don't care because I'm starting centerpointe on the 22nd.
Loblaws can kiss my ass.
It is the worst job you could ever have
The pay sucks and I HATE standing just ask anyone who knows me
School starts soon!
Last year you petty mothafuckas!!!
So excited to get out of the system
But so scared to stop running the halls making sure you're on time.
<3

[	Current Location	|	My room!	]
[	Current Mood	|	content	]

Well, my birthday was the best I've had in a long time. I guess it's because I was drunk.
Like whatever you think drunk is multiply that by 300 and that's what I was. 
I only remember bits and pieces of it. I guess that's for the best?
I remember it raining but that wasn't really rain. just the pool..
I remember telling everyone I loved them and falling in the pool like 34 times.
Oh God...what a night. Well, its not like I do it all the time so I guess its ok once a year for my birthday. 
Now I'm having my family party where everyone is coming over to watch the FIFA game and then I guess wish me happy birthday.
But Kelsey is coming over so I'm REALLY happy for that! 
Can't wait
<3

[	Current Location	|	My bedroom	]
[	Current Mood	|	happy	]
[	Current Music	|	Who knew? .....P!nk	]

It's that time of year again...my birthday is a' coming in 5 days
I must be the only person who dreads their birthday, seriously
It just means my mother will try to give me a party I don't want
Whatever I've already invited some people over on the actual day
My family will be coming on the 9th I think
Another school year passes and my last high school year has finally come a knocking
And this year calls for a big finish
I'm going to do it all well maybe not all of it...I'm not going to become a junkie or anything
It's the first time I'm looking forward to September
I'm now officially a grad!
I'm here and thanking God that everyone I know is still alive and doing fine

[	Current Location	|	My room	]
[	Current Mood	|	confused	]
[	Current Music	|	Blink 182.... Adam's song	]

Why have I neglected my Live Journal for so long?
Oh, that's right. I've been so busy I could go to sleep forever. 
I went to Europe. Loved every moment. Even when I caught pneumonia from Hungary.
I got randomly slapped in the ass, and practically molested in the Czech Republic.
Mental note : Do not go there again on Easter Monday. Sketchy. 
Came back, saw Grease and was amazed how good it was.
Not that there was ever any doubt.
Summer is coming...which means another birthday for moi. 
Seventeen, my God where did the time go?
I feel like I'm still in middle school worried about high school. 
Graduating next year I welcome and regret. There are too many things left I need to do.
I will not let next year conquer me. This is my last shot. I feel like giving up.
But I know I won't. 
I know I won't. 
I won't

[	Current Mood	|	sick	]
[	Current Music	|	Taking Back Sunday	]

March break is over and done with, and really I'm glad. I went down south for a week with the family and honestly, I've never been more tired or sick in my entire life. I caught a cold from the air conditioner in the room which then grew into the worst head cold ever. Tuesday we went to this park thing with this scuba type thing. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a fear of putting my head down in water for long periods of time. Its a rational fear ok? Fear of drowning. My mom made me go. I panic, have to leave, and spend the rest of the day on the beach with a book. 

   Wednesday we did nothing except sit around on the beach. I don't know about you but spending the whole week with my parents on a beach and having nobody your own age to talk to is really boring. I read 2 books down south in one week. One of which I though was really good: "The Romanov Prophecy." Really good you should read it. Thursday was the best day of the vacation for me. I swam with dolphins again. I love doing that, it made the whole trip worth while. Then i got out of the dolphin pool and went back to the resort and made my cold even worse. Fever of 103. That sucks.

    After Thursday I was seriously ready to go home. I wanted to shower in my own bathroom and sleep in my comfy new bed. The beds at the resort were like stone slabs. The food sucked and the beaches had huge sticks that stuck out in the sand that cut your feet / legs. Our flight was on time 11:35 p.m. and the flight was relaxing because I knew I was going home. We got to the Ottawa airport at 4:40 a.m. and we finally got our bags and a taxi at like 5:15 a.m. We didn't get home until 6:00. I am beyond tired. Plus I have a math test to do tomorrow and I think I'll stay home. </3

[	Current Mood	|	bored	]
[	Current Music	|	Twist and Shout ....*The Beatles*	]

I hate doctors so much its not even funny. I went to the eye doctor yesterday and he told me that my eye sight has gotton worse, again. I hate my vision. Oh I'd also like to say way to go Canada for electing President Bush's best friend. You guys will really love the way he'll take away a woman's right to choose, and also the way he's going to send more troops overseas to help fight a cause thats absolutely ridiculous. If that isn't enough to be excited for I can't wait to see how much he pays people off. I love the second coming of Mulroney.  On a lighter note I would like to say congrats to my bff Kelsey for getting a scholarship to Calreton. When I told my mom she almost cried, seriously. She wants me to tell you that she is VERY proud of you and so is my dad. I know you'll be great <333

So I'm having a dilemma, I'm going downtown tomorrow with Amanda and Autumn, and we're all getting something pierced...I have no idea to get done. I'm caught between three piercings. I either want to get my labret done, a surface piercing on my chest or the other side of y nose. Amanda and I already thought it would be a fun idea to go get our lips pierced together in July around our birthdays (7-9) so there, now I have two...Ok, surface piercings are expensive like $96...I have the money I'm just not sure. I've read a lot about them and well, they reject more then any other piercing. Ok, I've basically talked myself out of it. Other side of my nose it is. I know for a fact that my lip is coming...just in July? I can wait. So the new year is upon us, and Im not freaking out? This is a first, but then I think about the fact that I'm graduating high school next year, then I start to freak. Well all I have to worry about for right now is finding bus tickets and making sure I have my ID.... <3

[	Current Mood	|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	|	Don't Stop Believing....*Journey* (Don't ask why)	]

 So another year has come and gone, and I'm here again wondering where time and people have gone. I've learned a great many things this year. I've learned how to make sure to treasure every moment because you never know when your time is up. I've also realized that the people you love the most can be the ones to hurt you the most. I've learned to let people in and to keep some people out. I realized that some people can make you feel good about yourself and at the same time make you hate yourself for feeling an ounce of happiness. I've also learned that going camping for your birthday with close friends and their boyfriends while you are the only single one, is  the worst idea ever formulated.  There are many good things about this year however, I got close to people that I never thought I could and I'm looking forward to this year (for the first time ever) and I'm celebrating this new year with my best friend ever!  So I hope that everyone has a good time tonight, and if I have to hear one more story about "how wasted you got" I'm going to personally slap you in public. 

<3

[	Current Mood	|	hungry	]
[	Current Music	|	I don't like the drugs....* Marilyn Manson* <3	]

Alright, since everyone pretty much in the world is now offended by the words "Merry Christmas" I've decided to wish everyone a very belated "Merry Non -Denominational Winter Holiday!" and I hope the "Non specific holiday figure" (a.k.a Santa Clause) was good to all of you <3 I'm not going to type out all the things I got for Christmas because I think its like the Barrhaven version of MTV's Cribs. Like Chris Rock said "They should change the name from Cribs to Na Na Na Na Na!" Anyways, I'm very excited for New Years, because its a good excuse for getting together with close friends and having a good time. Sad part of that, I have no plans yet. I know feel bad for the social outcast already! I have a family party coming up on Friday. God help us all....a room full of angry people from my mother's side of the family and only my father and I speaking English. If anyone has a gun, now would be the time to shoot me. I would take it as a personal favour. All kidding aside, I miss the people close to me. I haven't seen my bff Kelsey in like 8 hundred years, and I hope her "ball" thing goes well for her. Even though I have no idea what that is. I wish her the best! Well now I must go and pretend to look alive for the kids I'm babysitting in an hour. Geat, screaming children and me without any raw cookie dough to shut them up with...

[	Current Mood	|	depressed	]
[	Current Music	|	Always....*Saliva*	]

I had a terrible weekend. Saturday I went out to dinner with my mom and dad. That was ok. Then we started talking about getting a pet. My mom brought it up at dinner. She brings it up alot around me. And I hate her for it. At first she was like let's get cats. Ok fine we talked about what kind. Then she was like no, let's get a dog. I hate when she says that because I was really attached to my last one. He was like my brother. Anyways. She always says which kind should we get and then we talk about it and then is like "No, we're not getting a dog." Then why did you bring it up? She does this to me all the time. She gets me excited and brings my hopes up and then just says "No." And she did it last night, and I was going to snap. But I didn't I held my tongue. Then she just kept on going, and I didn't say a word. Later on after that we're still at the place eating dinner and for some reason my birthday came up? And as a joke I said well I didn't have a party last year you can make up for it this year. As a joke! Because last year I told me mom I didn't want a party and ended up going to my friends place for the weekend. She took it completely the wrong way and blew up at me. She sat there telling me all this crap and going on about how bad I am and whatever. And I still didn't say anything. My dad was telling her the whole time "It was a joke shut up already she didn't mean it to be the way you're taking it." And she was going on and on. So I just didn't say anything. I said I was sorry and she was still going. So my dad drives us home and after I went upstairs to be away from her because she was acting way out of control. Then my mom was being a lunatic and like left for half an hour? My dad came up stairs to talk to me and apparently she had a lot to drink before we went to dinner and then a lot to drink at dinner and she was just being stupid like that because drunk. But you have to understand my mother, when she has a few drinks she likes to tell everyone how much she hates them and it makes her feel better somehow. And for some reason that someone is always me. Also, my mother is so stubborn , if it were a sport she would have 6 gold medals from the Olympics by now. The day after she "doesn't remember saying all that stuff" and never apologizes to me or anyone. That's just the kind of person she is. She believes that no matter what she is always right about everything, and even if you present her with proof or evidence that she is wrong about something she never says "Oh, yeah you were right about that sorry." Like she's the biggest child and calls me immature. Never once has she said I did something right. Or that I've made her proud. Nothing I ever do seems to make her happy so now I give up. I am not apologizing for no reason anymore. I've had enough. Like honestly I don't even care. If she wants me to feel like crap all the time she's going to know how it feels.

[	Current Mood	|	sick	]
[	Current Music	|	I got punched in the nose...*~Boys Night Out~*	]

Talking to Bryan always makes me feel happy and warm all over. He sent me pictures of us last year before he moved....we were in his car just driving around going to see shows. Talking about crucial subjects like pogs and light up shoes. They should just elect us supreme rulers of the world and get it over with already. I miss him something terrible. as soon as high school is over, I'm on my way to the states to visit him so we can play with our lite bright set. Anyways, today was so long. I am beyond sick with the flu and I feel like my brian is leaking out my ears...I know for most of you thats too much information, and for some its a turn on...you need serious help. Well at least I got to miss Mr. Paradis class (it's the little victories in life you treasure) and I slept most of the day. I really needed that. i'm having such a terrible time lately. I'm looking forward to Friday, going downtown with Autumn to get her tattoo done, perhaps a new piercing for listina? Maybe....I feel like I'm going to barf so I'm going to lie down or something.

</3

I pretty much have a second interview with Chapters tomorrow.

I am too excited.

I can't even think.

I love Phantom of the Opera, it makes me cry every single time.

Watch it and cry, it's good for you.

I have to go and chill with my home girl Kailey now. <3

I know you're all jealous.

[	Current Mood	|	silly	]
[	Current Music	|	I Caught Fire....The Used <3	]

So I haven't updated since August, I know I'm a bad person but you know what a lot has happened so shut up. Ok For starters I went with my bff Kelsey to see The Used (a.ka. God) September 10th and we rocked out so hard. They did "On My Own" which is like the best song ever. If you haven't heard it go listen to it right now. And of course they did "I Caught Fire" <33 I love that song so much. I almost died when they did it! Ok so aside from the best concert of my life school has started...*shiver* My bus is so crammed with smelly grade sevens and Nikki and I are forced to sit in the back away from the stench. We finally got the news that they're splitting the bus route in two so that the smelly kids can have their own bus (praise Jesus). We had our first Europe trip meeting today at lunch and I am way beyond excited. April seems so far away, but its going to be so worth the wait. I'm tired, french is impossible tomorrow is a p.d. day and I'm having a party at my place. Do you know how tired I am going to be?! And to top it all off, Saturday I'm going up to kailey's cottage with a bunch of people for her birthday. Sunday is Thanksgiving and I'm going to die from lack of sleep. Now I have to go and make popsicles and cookies with my neighbours kids because I'm babysitting and the only thing that shuts them up is sugar. OH. And I have to have my passport picture updated because the Czech Republic is picky and in my picture I have blonde hair and now mine is black? Maybe I'll just dye it all blonde again. I'm so tired right now I can't think straight.

[	Current Mood	|	complacent	]
[	Current Music	|	Cemetery Drive ...My Chemical Romance <3	]

This summer was a waste of make up. I ended up not going to summer school because my teacher was a dick , and I got really sick the second day of school. I did spend time with people I haven't seen in forever, but I still feel like I could have done more. I really wanted to make things right between a few people I know, but I can't force people to be friends again. I only have 2 years left of school and then who knows where all of us will be? That's what scares me the most. I get sick and tired of people but at the same time I'm so afraid to let them go. It's like trying to breathe under water. No matter how hard you want to, it's always going to turn out the same way. School has always been a trap for most people I know, but at the same time it gave us great memories. All I know is that this year I'm not holding back. If your constantly living your life for somebody else....then what's the point?

  </3 * This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea, " to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)" * </3

** This is for all of my closest girl friends that have ever felt this way ** (thanks to agnes! <3)

[	Current Mood	|	happy	]
[	Current Music	|	Talk is Cheap....</3 Comeback Kid </3	]

So, my birthday is in two days and my mom and dad are freaking out? My mom is sort of mad/sad that she's not throwing me a surprise party. I told her I didn't want one because I would feel really akward and confused? I don't know whats wrong with me....I would just feel socially retarded. Then again, doesn't every teenager feel like that? I think its just because I'm "sweet 16" and my mom thinks its a big deal. Well how is it differen from 15, 17 or 18? Is it because Sweet starts with an "s" and so does the word sixteen? Well seventeen starts with and "s" too so whats the big deal?!!?!?! I'm so confused. I need to lie down before I start counting the bumpy things on my ceiling. I've decided not to do summer school this year. I went the first day and saw the outline for the 3 weeks and I was like "Why am I wasting my time? I can learn this in a semester and get a 90, why would I do it in 3 weeks and geta 70?" so I'm not going back. Plus my teacher is a total reject and flitters around while you're trying to read. He stood behind me and was reading over my shoulder. Its one of the only things that really bother me so I looked up at him and he was like "Oh this part is really good huh?" I didn't know what to do? So I was like "Uhh...ya?" and then he continued to do that until lunch. Oh well, its over now (thank god) and I can get back to wating for my birthday to be over.....hooray! p.s I might see kelsey this weekned? I'm sooooo excited! She just needs to pick the place and then we can go! <333